Truth Requires Content, Context & Timing
Believe me, I understand that the statement - everything happens for a reason - can often be disruptive rather than helpful, particularly when the person saying it is not in right alignment.
The author writes:
I’m listening to a man tell a story. A woman he knows was in a devastating car accident; her life shattered in an instant. She now lives in a state of near-permanent pain; a paraplegic; many of her hopes stolen. He tells of how she had been a mess before the accident, but that the tragedy had engendered positive changes in her life. That she was, as a result of this devastation, living a wonderful life. And then he utters the words. The words that are responsible for nothing less than emotional, spiritual and psychological violence: Everything happens for a reason. That this was something that had to happen in order for her to grow. That's the kind of bullshit that destroys lives. And it is categorically untrue.
Let us begin with the seemingly obvious fact that Truth is not simply a matter of content. If we are to wield Truth impeccably, we cannot simply blurt it out. Even the keenest Truth needs to be delivered with respect for the timing and circumstances involved. Actually the keener the Truth, the more incisive it can be. Keen Truth must be handled with the delicacy and precision of a surgeon and be delivered only when there is an authentic opening for healing or transformation. Truth touches our raw places and invites them to rise to a higher understanding. Even the purest Truth, when spoken without respect for timing and circumstances, will find no fertile ground on which to thrive. Sometimes a person doesn't have the resources or capacity to recognize or respond to Truth. In these circumstances, offering untimely Truth simply pokes painful places without affording an avenue for healing or transformation. In such a circumstance, the best is silence.
When Truth Becomes a Platitude
Something can be true, yet, if it is not spoken from Truth, it has no power to uplift or transform. It becomes merely a platitude. I cannot vouch for the man cited in this article, but all too often I have witnessed people spouting spiritual aphorisms with meager comprehension of what they actually mean or how they actually operate. Often they only half believe what they are saying; they wish it to be so more than actually knowing it to be true. At such times, the speaker might be seeking to convince themselves as much as the other person. They have a half-assed understanding of what the statement even means, usually a highly over-simplified and overly literal interpretation of a complex metaphysical dynamic, which they have accepted on the say-so of one of Oprah Winfrey's special guests.
When we speak Truth from Truth, our words carry resonant wisdom from our spirit-core. If the content, context and timing are aligned, our words ring with Truth and have the power to sound Truth within the listener. This is the Truth that can set us free.
Acknowledging a "Reason" Doesn't Require Blind Trust
Unfortunately, when people make a statement such as everything happens for a reason, too often a kind of chaotic haze swirls around them as they speak. Instead of elucidating Truth, they are verbally gesturing towards a belief that all of this is beyond our ken as humans and can never be truly comprehended. They may be advocating abdication to a "higher order" which cannot be known, but must be blindly trusted. This is often coupled with ideations that God has a mysterious plan and is "doing this to us" for some unknown, inexplicable purpose. If this is one's understanding, it would be pretty difficult not to cast God in the role of the villain in some kind of cosmic torture porn. If I thought that this is how Creator Mind operated, I too would be hostile to this statement ... or to God directly.
Fortunately, this is not how it works. Every experience is finely crafted to offer us (and everyone involved) an evolutionary opportunity - a chance to become more authentically ourselves. This is not just random, arbitrary, scattershot growth, but growth which is exquisitely appropriate for our soul's journey - the best available context for necessary progression. With the proper skills and mindful presence, when the timing and context is right, it is possible to understand the content: in this case - the "reason" that something is happening. The data we seek is coded in our energy field. I say this from direct, extensive experience of working with the human energy field. It is not being done to you by some outside agency, it is being shaped by the dynamics in your own energy field and your consciousness. There is so much more that can be said about this, but there is only so much that can be encapsulated in a single post. Have no fear, much of this blog will be devoted to exploring these dynamics.
A Lost Opportunity is Still an Opportunity
The author writes:
I hate to break it to you, but although devastation can lead to growth, it often doesn't. The reality is that it often destroys lives.
With every occurrence in our lives, we are offering ourselves and each other an evolutionary opportunity. Failure to actualize this opportunity doesn't negate its presence. No one guarantees that we will be able to make the most of these situations. However, refusal to recognize them as opportunities greatly increases the likelihood that we will not reap the gift embedded in every situation. Convincing ourselves that our experiences are random and without meaning, is not only fallacious, but disempowering. When we throw up our hands and bemoan life's caprices, we miscast ourselves as hapless victims, rather than the trustworthy creators that we truly are. When we greet each experience with a willingness to find and actualize the opportunity it affords, we can meet each moment with ever-increasing hope, grace, trust and love. The alternative is to condemn ourselves, unnecessarily, to chronic confusion and perpetual pain -- not to mention a significant slowing of our evolutionary progress.
The author writes:
I now live an extraordinary life. I've been deeply blessed by the opportunities I've had and the radically unconventional life I've built for myself. Yet even with that said, I'm hardly being facetious when I say that loss has not in and of itself made me a better person. In fact, in many ways it's hardened me. While so much loss has made me acutely aware and empathetic of the pains of others, it has made me more insular and predisposed to hide. I have a more cynical view of human nature, and a greater impatience with those who are unfamiliar with what loss does to people. Above all, I've been left with a pervasive survivor’s guilt that has haunted me all my life. This guilt is really the genesis of my hiding, self-sabotage and brokenness.
I feel for the writer's predicament, but this argument does not disprove the presence of opportunity. It is simply proof of a work still in progress. If we are unable to actualize opportunities, we often retreat and entrench, intensifying conditions rather than healing them. Fortunately, even this does not need to be a permanent state. With awareness, we can learn to revisit these hardened dynamics and illuminate them with healing. Stay with it ... this too shall pass. If not in this life, surely in the ones to come.
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